Things I should have remembered...

Alright, so it's been mentioned that I've done this whole "School thing" before. So with that in mind, you'd think there would be lessons learned from the first go-round that would transfer to *ding* round two.

Such as....

FUCKING ID PICTURES.

Why do I forget this shit exists every time it rolls around? Honestly, my first time in college I did it both my first and second year. First year I went out with all my new BFFs the night before. Needless to say I looked like a smashed bag of shit the next morning, and after waiting in line for my ID for an hour and a half, trying to hold in the hang-over, I started to resemble the undead.

By the time I had dragged myself in front of the camera guy I had also managed to get all the left-over make-up from the night before off...of one eye. Yep, just one.

"Smile!" said the underpaid Mr.Grumpypants photographer...I managed to smile with half my face. The result? I looked like a zombie. And not one of those freshly made, right out of the grave, type of zombies. No, the type that's been dead for a month and probably smells like hot dogs that were left out in the hot summer sun for a month. That's what I looked like. That's how my picture came out.

Second year rolled around, same day, lesson not learned. Went out again, the night before. Tried a little more to put some effort into my appearance...and what happened instead was my eyeliner was crooked my hair was cowlicked. It was an improvement from second year, but only in a "downtown Red Deer Casino waitress" sort of way. I may not have looked "undead", but I sure looked down trodden.

So today was book buying day. I had to go buy a parking pass and figured "Might as well get mah ID too"

Here's what I forgot about. I had literally JUST rolled out of bed and sauntered down to the college. My face has gone back to pre-teen, I'm breaking out all over the place and have some seriously blotchy skin going on. Aaaand I didn't wear any make-up. I'm fucking old dude, why would I wear any make-up?

Well, when I was in line, looking around at all the youngin's trob-hoppin' in the hall ways, it came to me. Well, first I noticed how NICE all these kids looked, and thought "What the fuck is this? Prom?". Some of these chicks had some pretty spectacular hair.

Then the lady at the desk waved me forward and said "Stand on the blue line." Then "Smile."

FUCK. FUCKING PICTURES.

Oh no. This one came out much better. The first thing I notice when looking at it, is I didn't smile, I snarled, or bared my teeth. Seriously. The next thing is the mass amounts of pimples, and thirdly, and this is the best thing by far about my picture, is I looked sweaty. I'm not sure if it was the light (lets just say it was the light) or by going back to school I've turned back into a grease ball teenager.

That and for some reason I looked really really tan. Which isn't a good look for me, when I get really tan I turn the same colour as my hair and suddenly I resemble a giant bouncy oompa-loompa.

So that's my picture. A sweaty, pimply, snarling oompa-loompa. Gonna be a gewd year.

GET OUT OF MY HOUSE!!

...

Oh, it's you.
Why hello there random person reading my new blog.

A blog is like an egg, you have to keep it nurtured, warm, and ...make sure you know where you left it so you don't accidentally sit on it? No, wait, that doesn't apply to blogs.

Well whatever, you've found mine.

I sez to myself today I sez "Honey dawl, you say stupid things to amuse yourself. Maybe you should write them down somewhere and then post them publicly on the internet for people to scrutinize and notice your terrible grammar and speeling. I ewes werdz gewd." The last part I just said to myself because I think I'm funny.

So, what's the deal with this shit, you ask? Mind you're own fucking God damned business! Wait, right, I'm writing a blog. It IS your business.

Welp, I'm old. Or some variation of old. I've already been through college once, FIVE FUCKING YEARS AGO (paaaaaah! <---sound of me deflating). In recent history, my job shifted, and while I knew I needed to go back and do something to better myself, it really shifted me into high gear.

Since last October I've been going to school part-time, working full-time as a research technician and running a small business part-time on the side. You want to see someone who has lost her fucking mind? It's this girl right here. All work, no play make me go something something.

I actually just took a month of. I got a few acceptance letters into different Universities and Colleges near me, then waves farewell to my job. Or more so said "Fuuuuuuck this!" threw some post-it notes at the gross staff room fridge and then flounced out.

So now here I am. I've given up my single middle income for student loans, my 'Do-whatever-the-fuck-I-feel-like-when-I-feel-like-it" lifestyle. Eeeep. I can already feel my savings dwindling away. But this is all for the greater good right? No seriously, it is.

Here's the deal though, I'm not going to tell you what I'm planning to be when I'm all frickin' done. It's just going to take a long long time.

And away I go. I'm older than most of my classmates, I've been through this before, and out of real school for years. Will I make it? Fuck yeah, why the hell would you even ask that? Ass.

I'm just going to be the Old Balls of my classes. Maybe I can be like a real old person and give unwanted advice then all all spittled and frazzed when people point out that my unwanted crooning is outdated/wrong/plain stupid. Maybe I'll get a walker! OH MY GAWD! A WALKER!

So on tomorrows schedule, I need to go buy books. I'm taking chem of some sort, bio of some sort, some sort of "holy fuck what the fuck?" math, psyche (because astronomy and physics were full :( ) and some kind of English where I read shit.

Who's hedging bets for how much chedda I'm going to shell. I already know, but to give you a head start, the calculator they recommend getting costs $188 + taxes. BRAAAHH!